KiKi's LAIR

If anything, I have started to understand why our emotions cannot be trusted. You know something or someone is not good for you but, your cravings and coconut head emotions are clamoring for it, so bad that you eventually give in. Now, when you give in to their demands, those same emotions turn on you and taunt you for not being strong enough to resist them. Traitors, I tell you!  Fear not, no boy has broken my heart.😆 I have just been having deep thoughts on how powerful or powerless my emotions can be based on the level of power I give them. If you read my previous post , you would be aware of the internal battles I've been dealing with since my mom passed. It will be four months in a few days, how time flies, although it still feels like yesterday.  I found it amazing how I could be on an emotional high for days, living my best life and feeling good, and then without warning the dark gloomy blanket of sad emotions would rest on me, plunging me into days of depression and intens

It's been a long time since I was in the lair. I guess adulthood caught up with me as trying to juggle many other things made me put this aspect of my writing on hold. Now it feels so weird trying to put my thoughts together, well cause there are a lot of them, dancing in my head!  Well, a lot has happened to me as I know has happened to you as well. But never did I imagine my mom dying as part of the "a lot". It's been over three months now but on some days, I imagine I'm still dreaming. And all of a sudden the enormity of what happened hits me, sucking out my breath as I come to terms with reality. Asides from the pain and depression I've had to deal with, I think what has come the most under attack is my faith.  She had been ill for some months and we had prayed so earnestly for her recovery. Death was never a possible option in our minds. I confessed the word, I sowed seeds, I prayed morning and night, and I cried and pleaded with God not to take her away.